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27 June 2009 @ 08:48 pm
Fic- "Untrust Us" (1/?)  
Title "Untrust Us" 
Rating PG-13 
Pairing JJ/Cook
Disclaimer Yup. I'm that strange girl writing Skins fic in the middle of Summer.
Summary "All in all, moving to University has been a painless affair."
Notes This is set after the presumable end of series 4 (after series three cast finishes school).  I guess it's a little AU?

Part I:

All in all, it's a pretty quiet affair really. Emily is there to see him off, and helps to load the few boxes of things he's taking with him into his mother's tiny car. She kisses him on the cheek and waves as he and his mother drive away. JJ watches her in the rearview mirror all the way until she's blocked out as they round the corner. He and his mother make polite small talk for an hour and then they're there. It only takes an hour to unpack him into the grey single occupancy government subsidized dormitory, despite his mother insisting on folding and then re-folding all of his underwear, and triple checking to make sure he brought all of his meds. She finally kisses him good-bye, and JJ is left sitting alone on the standard issue twin bed. All in all, moving to University has been a painless affair. He stares at the blank grey wall for ten minutes and then pulls a red marker from his pack and and scrawls it across the wall. "Painless."

It's not all bad; just some days are good and others...not so much. In the beginning he manages to foster his deep-rooted love of learning into something resembling actual excitement for University. He walks to class in the mornings and sits through lecture alert, takes his books home or to the library and studies hard- just like college. He meets a third-year named Lucy who for some bizarre reason doesn't mind his stuttering and general lack of social graces and lets her take him to parties and clubs and bars and then her off campus flat. They don't fuck- one night after an ill-fated and entirely awkward kiss JJ feeds her a story about a girl named Emily (without believing a single goddamned word). Lucy shrugs and ruffles his hair in a manner not entirely un-reminscent of Cook.

Other days...well. His wall starts to fill up, magic marker diagrams and discarded exams taped to the wall JJ wants to sort through his world with his hands straighten it out feel every single second make sense and r-e-m-e-m-b-e-r. He has lots and lots of time to think, holed up in his room on nights when Lucy is busy playing with the other kids. He sets all the clock hands back to 12:00 the beginning the end proof that everything is cyclical. It's hard sometimes he gets tired of his world this way when it's supposed to be that way and somewhere in between, he has a sneaking suspicion it's the meds his brain is evolving maybe they just slow him down...

And Lucy wants him to get high with her; it's no different than any other time Cook asked, but this time JJ ditches his meds. This time he lights up and swallows the pill, gives in to the haze lets his eyes slide around the room and bliss, bliss, finally settle into his head. This time Cook isn't here and that's enough to make him want to get closer to what it's like inside of Cook's head.

He doesn't leave Lucy's flat that night. Or the night after. Or the night after that. He doesn't leave after he travels home for Holiday and pretends to be okay for his mum, and then treks all the way back. He doesn't leave after Lucy fails to come home one night and calls him from her mate's a week later to say she won't be returning to University after all. He doesn't leave in the following weeks as the weather gets frostier and the flat colder until he doesn't remember what being warm feels like even though he's bundled up in his best parka and rarely gets out of bed.

Slowly, JJ begins to take over the flat, even though the dark corners alarm him and he believes that they are crawling sometimes (calls made to Emily @ 3 AM just to stutter and fail to explain that he feels like the flat is digesting him). They actually are crawling, just, with real cockroaches and not his nightmares. At this point all his meds are stuffed into the cabinet under the tiny kitchen sink. Every single available wall surface is covered with his mad scribbles and diagrams and unfinished econ. assignments. There are exactly five books to a shelf on every shelf and anything that can be aligned is lined up in multiples of three, his shoes his clothes his food his toiletries dirty take-out containers empty cigarette buts Lucy left behind. He doesn't really bother with class anymore because then he would have to go outside- the flat might be killing him, but what's outside is infinitely worse too open to big too messy.

This is the way Cook finds him when he bursts in uninvited uncalled for unannounced and tells JJ that they are going out for a pint and some real food.
Current Music: "Crimewave" - Crystal Castles
juem87juem87 on June 28th, 2009 12:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks you for writing Skins fic in the summer! This is really interesting so far. I can't wait to read more.
evmspeak_unbidden on June 29th, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
evmspeak_unbidden on June 29th, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Yeah for some reason I started writing this and then JJ...just got depressed. I don't know how.